


What the Dickens?

by JoyHeart



Category: Great Expectations - Charles Dickens, South Park, The Omen (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Minor Character Death, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-30
Updated: 2009-04-30
Packaged: 2017-11-07 05:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyHeart/pseuds/JoyHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pip is reading and Damien decides to bother him. Don't f*ck with Dickens man. Just don't do it. Contains Snapped!Pip but in a rather awesome way...</p>
            </blockquote>





	What the Dickens?

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2009 and posted on fanfiction.net, it is now here to be viewed. Enjoy.

### What the Dickens?

Pip was reading in the library during free period when Damien came up behind him and snatched the book out of his hand.

"Oh dear. Damien, I erm- wasn't quite done reading that," Pip said nervously. Damian ignored him as usual.

"Oliver Twist?" Damien blinked. "Okay, that's got to be an innuendo."

"Wh-what?" Pip asked confused. "I, erm, it's a rather good book Damien. It's from my native country."

Damien was thumbing through the book. "Why the hell was a French guy writing about England?"

Pip sucked in his cheeks. "For the last time Damien I'm _British_. Charles Dickens is _British_. And Oliver Twist is a great novel!"

Damien rolled his eyes and chuckled, "Dickens? Yep, an innuendo alright."

Pip shook with suppressed rage. "It is NOT an innuendo! He's one of the greatest writers in history you- you... GAH!" he launched toward the book and Damien stepped back in surprise, causing Pip to crash to the floor.

"Christ dude, why are you getting so upset? It's just a stupid book."

Pip sighed from the floor in an angry way. "I know it's a book but I feel a sort of... association. As you well know I don't have many friends. So I have my books, and the library and... and I'd appreciate it if you'd just give me back my book and leave me in peace. Ever since you came back to school you've constantly been harassing me and I realize you need to fit in," Pip's anger was rising as he got to his feet, glaring and totally throwing Damien off. He'd never seen Pip so angry. "But you must understand that you can insult me, my family, my situation. You can beat me up, take my lunch money and even turn me into a firework with the demons of hell, but if you insult Charles Dickens, or TAKE my Charles Dickens, I WILL KILL YOU!"

Damien cocked his head to one side, holding Oliver Twist loosely at his side "You'll... kill me?" a small grin came to his face. "Really?"

"YES! REALLY! SO GIVE IT BACK!" Pip screamed and tried to launch himself once again at Damien. Damien laughed and held the British boy back with one hand.

"Oh, so you really wouldn't like it if I did... this?" Damien's eyes glowed and the book caught fire, burning right before Pip's eyes. The young boy's breathing quickened and he shivered at the pages curled and turned to ashes in seconds. Pip grated his teeth and his eyes locked with Damien. The Satanic boy faltered finally, did Pip's eyes just flicker?

"You should not have done that," Pip said quietly. He walked to the window backwards, eyes never leaving Damien's. In the light of the sun he threw his arms upwards and screamed to the heavens, "GREAT POWER OF DICKENS! SHED YOUR POWER ON YOUR CREATION SO THAT I MIGHT DEFEND YOUR HONOR! WRITE ME THE POWER TO KILL SATANIC BEINGS!"

"...huh?" Damien cocked his head to one side again.

"Of course, my son..." an echoey voice came from the sunlight that now surrounded Pip. His body glowed white.

"... Pip?" Damien squeaked, suddenly unsure of himself.

"DON'T F*CK WITH A DICKENS CHARACTER, BITCH!" Pip shrieked and a blast of white light engulfed Damien. Screaming, he vanished from the library.

There was silence as the white light around Pip faded and the boy sighed, "Thanks Dad."

"No problem Pip," the voice replied.

Then another, hoarser voice rang into the library saying, "D-Damien? Damien?"

"Aw f*ck," Dickens' voice groaned.

"What is it?" Pip asked in confusion.

"It's Richard Donner, director of the original version of The Omen."

"Oh... oh dear," Pip frowned.

"Damien? Oh my God, DAMIEN?" the hoarse voice cried out, noticing the dust that was once his demon child of hell spawn. He gasped, "Oh my God... WHAT THE DICKENS IS THIS?"


End file.
